Friday, July 20, 2012

On Cocky Ass Bastards.

Cocky.. Ha. No pun intended.

So, to switch things up a little bit, I have a question for everyone. Why do you guys either 1) I want to be more than friends with them or 2) that if I was looking for someone, that it'd be them? I get it. I obviously like people, hanging out with them, sharing conversations over coffee and/or beer, heck I even show affection. Touching the arm, pat on the back. I like my pseudo-dates with friends. Sometimes, I send borderline flirtatious texts. Do I want somethin out of it? No, so stop "reading" into it. This is not also limited to my guy friends. Same rules apply to my lady friends. Trust me, my love knows no boundaries.. Unfortunately. I adore my friendly 'dates' with my friends - it's everything minus the spooning in the end. As for my man friends, there is this unfortunate trend

I literally had so much more guy friends the beginning of the year. Then, one by one. Each one whittled away. Either because they wanted more, explicitly (no assumptions here, trust me). Or they made the assumption that I wanted more, because Lord knows, who wouldn't want to be with them (sarcasm pouring out here) and didn't want to lead me on. Muther effers. Either way, someone did not get something as expected/wanted something. But for the record. I don't want anything, from anyone. An honest, sincere, loving friendship would be great. But that's all for the moment, folks. Really.

Why is it that my intentions can be easily misconstrued as something more than a friendship with the attracted sex? Does it go back to that age old sayin that men and women can't be just friends? I doubt it. But def feels that way. Who set up all-or-nothing? Like because we exist sans sexual tension, for the moment or for ever, why withhold the friendship? Pompous. I feel, once a guy either thinks I want more or realized that I want to be just friends.. they check out. As potential lovers, passing flings, FWBs but more importantly, we lose that real opportunity to be friends. Which despite all indications I may present, is all I ever really wanted.

Was Harry (with Sally) onto something? Is it not possible to be just friends because there this lurking agenda that one of the two, or two of the two for that matter, wants to sleep with the other at the end of the day.. I mean, night? Heh. Quick disclaimer: I do not mean this btwn men and women - this can go for men with men or women with women. Gender is irrelevant here. Anyways, what I am slowly (and sadly) realizing is that I have lost a number of guy friends over time. I would hate to think it's because I have changed in some way or dun dun duun, changed for the worse. I don't think so. Or else, that would be all my friends, not just the dudes.

Get over yourself. To make it easier for the both of us, let the record show, I will not fall for you. I promise, there is no way I will/want anything with you. Now. Or ever. So, get over it and give me back our friendship, please. I'm so sick of this. [Picture was added later.. and even then, it's still implying the "possibility". Don't even want that. I want to laugh, talk, hug. I don't want a boyfriend. Let it be said. No "start off" just at that moment. Good.]


  1. Hey Ellen,
    We've never met; in fact, I stumbled across your blog when I was bored looking through comments left on your now exboyfriend's blog (ironically, I don't talk to him anymore). Regardless, I have a ton of respect for you and I think that you put down thoughts that we all share in such a beautiful way. I'm glad that I bookmarked your page (now I know I sound borderline creepy, sorry) because quite a bit of these things have happened to me too. Not saying that my life is yours by any means, but sometimes it helps knowing there's some one out there who thinks similarly.
    The reason why I'm commenting on this post is because this happened to me when my exboyfriend and I broke up. Despite verbalizing to so many of my 'friends' that I couldn't handle anyone making a move, they assumed I was bluffing and did it anyways. It was a pretty horrible feeling because I felt so alone. Anyways, I guess the point of all of this was to let you know that I'm glad you sound satisfied/content at where you're at in life now and that I'm happy it seems as if (from other posts) you have a better support group in your family than mine. It sounds like you're a great person and deserve a chance at happiness and success which I don't doubt you've already achieved (:

    1. Hello!

      Your comment made my day and let's be honest, my week as well. Comments like these are always welcomed. And though I know we have not met, anyone willing to read what I wrote is not a stranger to me. It's interesting to me that literally a year ago was when the shit sort of hit the fan (haha I 'accidently' typed "man" at first which in this context may be as appropriate as well) and was thinking how crazy it was that within a year so much has changed in terms of my outlook on that whole situation, where my thoughts were, where my heart was. The resilience of the human spirit is painfully amazing.

      I don't know how to say this without oozing with cheese but knowing htat somoene can relate to a single entry to all the entries to a part of it, makes it wildly worth it all. I understand that we all have very differing experiences but the one consoling thought is that we all undergo emotions that are pretty much universal. I'm happy now for the most part, but I'd be lying if revisiting that thought of him and the memories that happened after didn't still hurt. But it jsut reminds me and if anything, allows me to be grateful for all that has be done thus far in my life. The movement, the momentum of growth within myself and hopefully, the other relationships in my life - whether platonic or more. Please continue to read/comment/stalk. All are welcomed! Have a wonderful rest of the week, Elle