Monday, January 2, 2012

On Being a Hoe.

I know that the word 'hoe' can seem derogatory but hear me out first. Although I would not want to admit this on a public forum, I used to be 'a very big hoe' (extra points to those who can identify where that line comes from). The main spurts of when this would happen, typically occurred during or after a break up. I go all balls out when it came to partying and doing the things that we judge other people for doing. Even though we've all been there before. Where we do not want to take responsibility of our circumstances, responsibly. We desert the familiar rather abruptly and then submerge ourselves in behaviors that may be less lady - or gentleman - like. Side question, what do you call a man that is a hoe? Man hoe? Sounds like a tool. Ha get it? I love that I can make myself laugh. Puns gotta love them.

So now, I am sorta in the same situation as before, where I can "hoe out" but this time its a little different. Call it more 'self-respect' or maturity or lack of energy but I can tell that my response in this situation is different. Don't get me wrong, anyone that knows me knows that I can do the deed but its just takes too much to be a hoe right now. What I don't need to do is people, what I do need to do is get A's. Don't want an attractive man, rather a ridiculously sexy record that I can boast around during medical school interviews. And like they say, its the time to be selfish. I want to hoe out on school/ applications/my entire future career and/or life. I've been lucky enough to have a playful past of lovers and fleeing 'acquaintances'. All of which were ridiculsouly consuming love stories. But for now I choose the less hoe-y road and temporarily retire the 'falling in love' outfit.

I know it sounds like a cop out but really, energy and time are very limited entities. To do what you need to do, as I am learning, requires compartmentalization. And for right now, its all about the career, the foundation, the making the means for the life I've always dreamed of. If Love is love, it'll be there later. I dreamt of a very grandiose, overly joyful, expensive future. And so, in the name of that love and life I hold so close, I need to commit myself to the work that will require to have that life I want to live. Every single day. I want a home filled with ridiculously unnecessary but cute stuff and a nice ass view. I want children, where they can be carelesslely ambitious and driven.

As they say, there is a time and place for everything. Do the work now, check options later. I have invested well enough in the 'being in love/in a relationship/dating with my heart on my sleeve'  account, that its now time to do work. I want to be deliciously submerged in my self, my life, my work. As much as I've enjoyed the life and loves in my past, it is time for me to focus that love - that energy - that part of me to school, my future, me. I know it seems like I've side tracked from the "hoe" to "love" topic but in the end, it's all sorta the same thing, right? The real question then is, what do you want to hoe out on? Once you figure that out, go all balls out and hoe out on the things you love.

No comments:

Post a Comment