I recently had a dear friend of mine that had something happen to her that was just, despicable. A man (I use this term, rather loosely - I would rather call him other names but he's not worth my vulgarity) had behaved in a way that was so cruel and short-sighted. He defiled the love that he and my friend shared. He cheated on her.
Now, I am not saying that I am a saint in all of this. God no. I did the same thing. At one point in my life, I thought overlapping love/sex endeavors was natural. Of course, it was easier to say as the culprit but that did not mean that my actions were not a complete disrespect to the man that I thought I loved. It was a complete, utter sacrilegious act that I did over and over again. But here is the thing. Did I love this man at that time? Yes I most certainly did. I indulged in a four year relationship with that man, lived with him for two, did everything and anything under the sun to make sure our relationship was intact every time we had a moment of separation. He was my everything. I loved him. But I did not adore him.
The difference? I think it is easy to fall in love with someone, just as easy to fall out of love with someone. Heck, you can even love someone when you are not in a relationship with them. My life story. But, here's the thing, to adore is like an act of worship. Something more deep, more profound in Love. There is no superficiality when it comes to this pure adoration for a person. Now, there is also a fine line between adoration and obsession. You can adore another human being, while sharing that same admiration for yourself. Just never at the price of your own self. This delusional adoration evolves into an obsession that becomes self-debilitating.
Love, a relationship between two individuals, is sacred. There is an honest. grueling. exposing part of one's being that is shared in a relationship. You can not replicate that with any other individual. A peace consumes you when you are with that person, this almost erupting joy that when you see their face, a very deep part of you, smiles. It's as simple as that. Now, do not mistake that this fleeing moment of a visual cue of someone you love, as an act of adoration. It's not. Too superficial. But more of, when you see that person, there is this exchange of this over pouring love that emits from them to you and from you to them.
So I go to adoration at my church about once a week. You literally sit for an hour and stare at the Eucharist, which sometimes can seem boring. But boredom occurs when you are not engaged in the process of worshipping. If you withdraw from the noise and enter this internal prayer, you find yourself lost in this Love. This pure love that comes from an honest adoration. It's overwhelmingly beautiful. This is what I want. I want this all-consuming adoration with a person and then in return receive it as graciously and humbly as I give it. I had a conversation with my aunt about this. She told me, which I would love to share with you:
"We have something so sacred within ourselves. What is sacred within us isn't necessarily synonymous with self-worth. And with this sacredness, it must be honored by people by those around you. Those that do not, that can not, or do not want to - are not worthy of sharing that sacred love that you have to offer."
This is what happened to my friend, where this man forgot how sacred it is that they share. I believe if he had only seen her and what is sacred about her, I doubt that he would've done what he had done. Or at least handled it the way that he did.
I want that despite all the business that life brings, that despite all temptations and distractions, despite all that is warranted from social norms, that one day I may indulge in this sacredness with a person that grounds me, showers me, adores me with a love and practice that is honest and pure. Which I shall return so gladly with the same humility and joy.